there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
