What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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