Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
