there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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