absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
