is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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