where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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