You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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