One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
