just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
