"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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