Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
