Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
