Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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