nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
