You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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