exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
