i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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