1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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