did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
