How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
