Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There's always time for handjobs
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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