you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
