Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
two words...techno handjob
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
