well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
