Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
