Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
