Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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