shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
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once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
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I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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