I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize