I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
