You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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