Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Let's get the cat blown out
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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