She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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