HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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