i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
