I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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