so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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