I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Please, let me fuck your mom
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
