he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
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I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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