Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
