Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
