Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
