this beer tastes like vomit already
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
