The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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