pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
