Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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