Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
