Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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