I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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