On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
