Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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