I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
