No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
As shirtless as possible
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
