Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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