when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
