just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He? As in you personified your dick?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
