yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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