we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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