we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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