i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
