OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
