Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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