We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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