She said her name was "party"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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