Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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