Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
