Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
