Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
