I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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